Now there are even referees pulling pranks on the pitch

Having already offered my assessment of Messi’s departure from the national team in recent days, I now turn to the upcoming league fixtures, which have already begun. Tomorrow’s schedule features Everton v Manchester United and Arsenal v Chelsea; in Serie A, the spotlight is on Juventus v Milan, a match that many observers regard as a significant misnomer. The match is often presented as if we were still in the 1990s, yet in recent seasons it has become a symbol of the mediocrity of Italian football: little is at stake, the play is lacklustre, and past-their-prime or little-known players face off wearing shirts that once belonged to those who really knew how to play the game.

It is no coincidence that the run-up to these fixtures is characterised by nostalgic articles and the usual interview with Boban, who every three months says that Milan are rubbish (but forgets to mention that he chose Giampaolo, ‘the Maestro’, as the Rossoneri’s manager). Anything goes when there’s little to get excited about – even publishing analyses on the return of the 1980s porn star moustache because Mangas and Woltemade have one, or writing that Allegri is already putting everything on the line in just three matches.

Stir things up, hype it up and then burn it – that’s the motto of today’s football writers: those who were great yesterday will be a load of rubbish tomorrow, and vice versa. Since everything has to be sensational, I’m forced to discover, much to my chagrin, that the current top scorer in Ligue 1 used to work as an entertainer in holiday resorts, and I don’t know whether this is a great success story or a reflection on the standard of the French league. Just to be on the safe side, I’ll raise a pint to Maurizio Crosetti, the most fed-up sports journalist in the universe, who managed to boast on X that he didn’t know Juventus’ new signings Sarr and Woltemade – describing them as ‘unknowns’ – after explaining that he ‘cares less and less’ about football. His readers may be amused, particularly those who still choose to purchase La Repubblica and read updates from someone who no longer follows the sport closely.

A final toast to Mike Dean, the former English referee known for his bald patch, which was less prominent than Collina’s. Having retired in 2022, Dean recently stated that during the matches he refereed, he essentially acted like a clown, ‘playing pranks’ and taking part in ‘secret challenges’ such as remaining in the centre circle for as long as possible or refraining from blowing his whistle for as long as possible. “He lives in a fairy-tale world,” commented his former boss, adding that these remarks of his are damaging to active referees. In my view, however, they may actually help them: if criticised for a penalty not awarded or a foul not called, they can always say it was just a bit of fun.