Argentina are in the World Cup final. Tuchel’s pun

Deep down, perhaps unconsciously, England’s head coach Thomas Tuchel has a passion for puns, as well as being a keen historian of his hometown, Krumbach, Germany, in the Bavarian-Swabian district of Günzburg. For centuries, his hometown has been renowned amongst wealthy European and non-European aristocrats for its school of silversmithing, which, in the words of George II, sovereign of Great Britain and Ireland between 1727 and 1760, “one of the finest and most refined examples of silversmithing” and was also highly prized by Queen Victoria, who on several occasions between 1837 and 1901 commissioned silver jewellery for the Crown. The Krumbach school of silversmithing also produced Bernhard Krüger, who, for four years under the presidency of Julio Argentino Roca, adorned the Casa Rosada – the official residence and office of the President of the Argentine Republic – with silverware.

It’s a fine line between ‘silverware’ and ‘Argentina’ – a pun, in fact. Especially if you’re from Krumbach. That must be why – it’s hard to think of any other explanation – Thomas Tuchel unconsciously decided to throw away everything England had achieved over fifty-five minutes, namely making life difficult for Argentina on the pitch and trying to attack. With the score at 1–0, the England manager abandoned the attack, ordering his players to fall back completely – just as Captain Edward J. Smith did to the Titanic’s engineers, instructing them to focus solely on not conceding a goal.

You can never avoid a backlash when you distort the spirit of a team. It is bound to all go pear-shaped when you impose the principle of ‘don’t concede first’ on a side that plays to attack. And indeed, it all went pear-shaped. You cannot improvise a defensive approach; it is a form of absolute sacrifice that requires meticulous attention. And England were not ready for any of it. Just as Lionel Messi and his team-mates were not ready to give up hope of another huge celebration on the streets of Argentina.

Until December four years ago, Lionel Messi was the great champion who had never even come close to winning the World Cup. Four years on, as his sensational career draws to a close in the US, he finds himself on the verge of a World Cup double that would have been unthinkable just five years ago. Argentina will play in yet another final, this time against Spain, and much of the credit goes to the number 10 who, at thirty-nine and after four seasons of semi-retirement from football in Miami, is still capable of taking a group of talented players under his wing and making them believe that anything is possible. Impeccable leadership, a marvellous example of footballing and spiritual guidance. Many so-called gurus do not even come close to matching the achievements of Argentina’s captain.

On that afternoon in Atlanta, Lionel Messi first provided the assist for Enzo Fernández’s equaliser to make it 1–1, then the one for Lautaro Martínez’s winner to make it 1–2, which sent Argentina through to the final and left England reeling. And here, the game of football delivered its cruel irony. For the Inter striker, standing at just 174 centimetres, headed the ball past the towering English defenders. An irony that they in England will not have appreciated.