Society
Key phrases to know •
Social media guide for returning from the summer holidays
The real stress is telling people how your holiday went. How to turn post-holiday blues into a sophisticated existential stance. The definitive phrase book to use in group chats, in posts on X, on the ancient Facebook and in Instagram Reels
Tourists photograph the sunset in Santorini (Athanasios Gioumpasis/Getty Images)
The real stress of the holidays coming to an end isn’t the overflowing inbox, nor even the alarm set for seven: it’s the social obligation to recount how the holidays went. To avoid social ruin and not resort to the trite “unfortunately, it’s back to work”, here’s the definitive phrase book to use in group chats, in posts on X, on the ancient Facebook and in Instagram Reels. Avoid TikTok – it’s too youth-oriented. Use LinkedIn only to artificially demonstrate your love for your job.
“We work all year round for two weeks’ holiday. Is this any way to live?”
Adopt a sophisticated, philosophical, vaguely existentialist demeanour; sigh whilst gazing at the office ceiling as you post
A defining phrase for returning to the newsroom or the desk. It should not be uttered with the anger of the proletarian, but with the melancholy of the Central European thinker who rediscovers the alienation of capital between an Excel spreadsheet and a dreadful cup of coffee.
“For me, the real holiday starts now: I’ll be taking a breather when I get back to work”
Intended exclusively for those with children under the age of 10; smile with the glassy-eyed look of someone who has crossed the neuropsychological threshold
Work is no longer a chore, but an oasis of tranquillity, sheltered from activity leaders, children’s dance classes and snacks caked in sand.
“Nice, sure, but it was full of Italians”
Let it pass as a vague accusation, shaking your head slightly with cosmopolitan disdain. Hashtag: #SoItalian
It doesn’t matter whether you’ve been to Formentera or stayed in a B&B in Termoli: spotting fellow countrymen instantly grants you the status of a traveller (rather than a tourist) who has accidentally found themselves amongst the masses on a day trip.
“I’ve found an amazing place that really doesn’t cost a thing”
Lower your voice in a conspiratorial manner, whispering the name of a disused village whilst posting a video of a sheep grazing
The display of privilege masquerades as frugality. Carefully omitting the fact that reaching the aforementioned secluded spot required a four-hour drive along a dirt track and that one had to endure a complete lack of drinking water.
“I’ve spent this holiday reading and thinking a great deal”
An elegant way of saying “I’m terribly lonely and nobody’s been in touch for three weeks”
Essential for making the absence of invitations to drinks or boat trips seem more dignified. It transforms forced isolation and patchy 4G into a profound private seminar on self-analysis and stoicism.
“Holidays always tell you the truth about who you really are”
Nod vigorously to emphasise the introspective nature of the concept whilst adding a photo of a sunset to the feed
Useful to post on social media during a business lunch. It suggests that you, unlike others, have returned with a new ontological awareness.
“But here on social media, you all seem to be on holiday all the time… how do you manage it?”
Typically said by professors or those who enjoy 60 days’ paid holiday; zero consistency, maximum efficiency
The classic moralising dig delivered straight from the sun lounger. It combines feigned naivety with subtle middle-class criticism of those who share photos and stories on Instagram.
“It wasn’t so much the heat, you see: it’s the humidity that gets to you”
This remains a valid approach for gaining broad, cross-class support
A universal topic covering both weather and society that appeals to everyone from a manager in Milan to a pensioner in Ostia. It rakes in the ‘likes’ without risking political polarisation.
“Too much traffic on the way home. But where are all these people going?”
Guaranteed pandering to win mass approval; ignoring the fact that one is, in fact, part of ‘all these people’
The great paradox of the Italian motorist: considering oneself the only legitimate traveller stuck in a mass of unauthorised obstructions.
“These days, I only cycle against the flow; I can’t stand the crowds any more”
A statement made in all seriousness by someone who has just returned from a mid-August holiday in Salento or from a three-hour queue at the motorway toll booth
The illusion of exclusivity. It matters little that we were packed in like sardines on the same scheduled ferry: what matters is claiming to have had an ‘authentic’ experience.
“The sea’s lovely, of course… but after three days I need some mental stimulation”
Translation: I’d missed the controversy surrounding X and couldn’t upload my Stories because of the poor signal
A haven for the digital intellectual who confuses an addiction to notifications and online controversies with an insatiable hunger for culture and civil debate.
“You can’t imagine how commonplace [insert prestigious brand] has become in recent years”
Sigh wistfully for days gone by, implying that you used to visit the place before it became ‘a tourist trap’ – that is, last year
Capalbio, Favignana or Greece: it’s always the same story. The decline of the place always coincides precisely with the arrival of other tourists straight after us.
“I switched off my phone completely for a week: a new lease of life”
Post immediately after replying in 0.4 seconds to a comment under a photo posted at a later time to simulate a digital detox
The fake ‘offline’ digital experience. A social media-free holiday only exists at the very moment it is widely documented and verified on social media itself.
“I don’t miss holidays: I miss the very concept of non-productive time”
Tilt your head at a 45-degree angle, adopt the deep, authoritative tone of an essayist, and wait for someone to pay the bill at the bar whilst you await comments on the post.
The pinnacle of ‘back-to-work’ rhetoric. A sprinkling of criticism of late capitalism used as a noble excuse for not replying to the first email of the day.