Thank you, Giorgia!

As a seasoned conservative observer, I could attempt to offer commentary on the four years of Meloni’s government, but the truth is I already have my own governance concerns in Britain; I may even feel a touch of envy, yet ultimately I remain largely untroubled, still recovering from the bottle of brandy I opened to mark the end of the transfer window—a recurring nightmare that is only tolerable once it is over. I will therefore confine myself to what I know best, namely ‘may the best team win’: under Giorgia Meloni’s government, Italy were a disgrace at Euro 2024 and failed to qualify for the 2026 World Cup, whereas before her tenure, you beat us in the final on our home turf. Yes, I know you’ve given us a proper thrashing in athletics this year and made us sweat blood in swimming, but sticking to the sports followed by more than just the athletes’ relatives – in other words, football – I can only be in favour of another four, eight or twelve years of Meloni governments, with the Azzurri out of any serious competition. Cheers, Giorgia.