Haakon VIII, the ‘hygge’ king in search of water for half-empty glasses

The only royals with money these days are the Emirs, so in old Europe (and its island outposts which aren’t really part of Europe, but deep down they are – well, you get the picture) people are struggling to keep the remaining crowns polished. The days of ostentation and splendour are long gone; ‘werewolf socialism’ is on the horizon, the people are struggling to make ends meet, and so we’re adapting to become modest royal families, dressed in Mango, Zara and Marks & Spencer. Take Kate, Princess of Wales, for example: she has a now-worn red Alexander McQueen dress that she has been wearing every year for the past ten years – I know it by heart – with a bodice and a knee-length pleated skirt, in a deliberate attempt to convey the message: see? I don’t actually spend all that much of your taxpayers’ money. And lots and lots of little thirty-pound outfits (I’m just like you!). Kate understands everything and reads the future well; not so long ago, the Windsors weren’t afraid to be seen looking cool and tanned in Mustique; now, at most, we get photos of them barefoot in the meadows, all together in jeans. These are gloomy times. Meanwhile, in every region with a royal family, a generational change within the dynasty is about to take place: the ageing kings and queens are making way for those in their fifties. The Norwegians are leading the way.

From Friday 28 August, Haakon VIII is king. His father, Harald V, died aged 89 and, according to the Norwegian Constitution, the succession is swift and automatic: there is no need for chamberlains or horse parades; the country is not left without a sovereign; they do not even hold a proper press conference. The oath of office will follow later, but there will be no coronation with the old pomp and ceremony. No more waste – it’s even more eco-friendly not to bring out the crown. Haakon VIII has the sort of profile you’d find in a contemporary novel, featuring a protagonist searching for that extra drop of water needed to fill the half-empty glass; he works in creative fields and spends his time trying to work out where his place in the world and in society might be, whilst focusing on the tiny little things that bring a sense of well-being. Typically, these individuals own several flats (if not millions) and refer to them as ‘hygge’. I ask the Beast (my artificial intelligence) to clarify exactly what ‘hygge’ means, and it replies: ‘Hygge’ is a Danish word denoting a feeling of intimacy, comfort, warmth and simple well-being, often shared with others. There is no perfect Italian translation for it. It can be described as ‘feeling good in a simple, relaxed way’. For example: an evening at home with candles, a blanket, hot tea and friends can be very ‘hygge’.

Haakon studied hard. After the Naval Academy came Political Science at Berkeley, a master’s degree at the London School of Economics, diplomacy, sustainable development and then his great passion: outdoor sports. He is obsessed with surfing; if he were not obliged to be king, he would certainly have been a surfer, he says. He recounted that in California, the water allowed him to feel like himself (lucky him, knowing where to find himself)He is not merely a New Age enthusiast; he has also served as a UNDP Goodwill Ambassador since 2003, and his genuine and commendable passion is the ocean (and sustainable development). In an official speech in 2019, he opened with: “My name is Haakon and I am from the ocean”. My name is Haakon and I come from the ocean. The phrase is striking—it could feature in Nolan’s *Odyssey*. Love life. He met the future queen at a music festival. She is Mette-Marit Tjessem Høiby, a commoner who already had a son, Marius, from a previous relationship. The story sparked a huge debate at the time, which was eventually dismissed by his father (who had done the same), so Haakon and Mette-Marit were married in Oslo Cathedral on 25 August 2001. Haakon will be the one to symbolically defeat the patriarchy (section: the Norwegian royal family). He has an older sister, Märtha Louise, born in 1971, but he became the heir because the reform of the line of succession, which abolished male precedence, was not retroactive.

With Haakon on the throne, however, the heir will be his daughter Ingrid Alexandra, aged 22. What else we know: she hasn’t had the easiest time of it recently. This year, correspondence between Mette-Marit and Jeffrey Epstein resurfaced following the latter’s conviction; she apologised and said she had been manipulated, though she is not facing any criminal charges. Then there is Marius, his first son (born outside the royal family), who was sentenced in June to four years in prison on charges of rape and domestic violence. Haakon expressed solidarity with the victims during the trial and, speaking of his own family, said that the priority remained ‘looking after the flock’. A beautiful, detached phrase that doesn’t mean much – applause. Some observers suggest that in the future, apart from embracing ‘hygge’, we may need to learn quickly from the Nordics this extremely minimalist form of diplomacy.