Andy Burnham leaves TikTok, becomes leader of the UK Labour Party and attempts to form a government like a grown-up

At the third attempt, Andy Burnham has succeeded in becoming leader of the British Labour Party; he was crowned yesterday without even needing to face a contest, a foregone conclusion that will see the former mayor of Manchester appear before King Charles on Monday to be appointed Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. The local elections on 7 May had been a bloodbath for Labour and the outgoing leader Keir Starmer, who had thought he could rein in the coup-mongering instinct that had swept through many Labour members frightened by Nigel Farage’s rise and eager to present the British public with his scalp as a symbol of change, had to make way for the mayor from the north, who went on to win the by-election in Makerfield to enter the House of Commons and, within a matter of weeks, found himself here, as leader and almost Prime Minister, whilst Farage’s nationalist spectre has been somewhat diminished.

With the stars aligned and a social media campaign to raise his profile nationally, Burnham delivered his first speech as leader yesterday; for the occasion, he donned a jacket and tie (he’s usually a dark T-shirt sort of bloke) and said that this is Labour’s most important moment in the last forty years. ‘In what sense?’ asked someone, highlighting Burnham’s tendency to exaggerate, but apart from a few hyperboles, the future Prime Minister delivered a speech calling for unity; he said that internal squabbles within Labour must end because only the Right stands to gain from them, he has (already) shaken off the ‘northern’ label – which he had, in fact, pinned on himself – presenting himself as a leader for all corners of the country, and he has made amends for the mistakes committed by leaders in recent years (including himself, albeit half-heartedly) by announcing a political, economic and cultural revolution to build a country that works for everyone. It wasn’t the time to be specific, and Burnham wasn’t, but he has brought a touch more gravitas to his leadership after weeks on TikTok talking about his quirks – from putting milk in his tea straight away so the tea bag softens, to criticising those who leave the stadium before the end of matches, right through to a rant against loud music on public transport. After this pop-style debut – perhaps overly inspired by New York’s Mayor Mamdani, who is twenty years his junior – Burnham must now return to being an adult, and the first test is the cabinet he will announce on Monday: there is much speculation about who he will appoint as Chancellor of the Exchequer; the name of Shabana Mahmood, currently at the Home Office, is the most frequently mentioned – and also the most heavily criticised. The future Prime Minister speaks of a united Labour family, says he will not be beholden to internal factions, envisages a harmony that still needs to be built, and, like many others, is hoping for a month or so of distraction: on 13 August, it will be Farage who has to win the by-election he called for but which is turning into a thoroughly entertaining (for us) mess. The candidate lists closed yesterday: there’s Count Binface, the rubbish bin who’s now top of the polls, but there’s also Piers Corbyn, brother of former Labour leader Jeremy. There was also the ‘fox’ candidate, but he’s withdrawn.