It would be a significant concern if Woltemade were valued as highly as Baggio.

Football statistics are a refuge for charlatans: numbers used to prove everything and its opposite, bait thrown to readers – like fish – who think ‘I didn’t know that, that’s mad’, ‘strange but true’ sort of stuff, a narcissistic display of knowledge that says little about the reality of the situation. If I read that Woltemade is like Baggio because they’ve both scored three goals in their first three European matches for Juventus, what am I supposed to think? Surely that the Europa League is an embarrassing competition.

I note this despite the temptation to gloat over Bournemouth’s 3–0 victory over Milan – a contest that more closely resembled a one-sided altercation than a typical football match. A similar sense of imbalance pervaded Tuesday evening’s Como versus Manchester United fixture, albeit with the roles reversed.

The Red Devils have now become a caricature of their former selves, a soulless club that gets thrashed on the pitch by anyone and everyone, yet prides itself on its glorious history. For years, they have been stuck in a disturbing cycle whereby any manager who takes over mid-season starts off brilliantly, only to turn into just another Giampaolo when it comes to building the team from the ground up.

Michael Carrick is expected to remain on the bench against Bournemouth in the Premier League, but should the situation escalate, there is talk of Emery (who would need to be released – he’s at Aston Villa: but who would let him go?), Nagelsmann, and even Antonio Conte. Get ready for another cycle. What matters is not history, but top-class players guided by a talented manager backed by a solid club (or one adept at circumventing spending limits through questionable sponsorship deals, of course). This is the case with the often criticized, turban-wearing money-grabbers at Paris Saint-Germain, a club with no deep history but numerous recent victories and star players.

Stars who, however, have begun to falter: Kvaratskhelia lasted until the end of the season, but now we have the Dembélé case – out for a month with an injury he apparently sustained because he does not play enough. It is widely acknowledged that PSG excels in Europe because, domestically, it faces opponents of far lower calibre; in Ligue 1, Luis Enrique fields a second string side, reserving his best players for the Champions League. This situation appears to be frustrating Dembélé: at 29, he argues, he needs match fitness to avoid injury at the first sprint. The player who is not at risk of injury because he never plays at all is Richarlison: the Brazilian Tottenham substitute thus has more time to deal with a legal dispute with Flávio Bolsonaro, a presidential candidate in Brazil who allegedly appropriated an island by ‘annexing’ it to one of his own properties. So he claims, providing The Guardian with the assist to deliver a lecture on football and politics and sound its daily alarm about democracy. Thank goodness the Premier League is on today.