Kyrgios, Sinner’s accuser, and cocaine doping

We would not attend a match featuring a player ranked 919th in the ATP rankings even if he were competing in the Vergo Zoccorino Tennis Club’s open tournament in Monza and Brianza. In fact, we would not even purchase a tube of Clostebol if he were advertising it. To be a maverick – or even just a bully – in the high-profile world of tennis, one needs a formidable physique and a larger-than-life personality; in short, one has to be Novak Djokovic or at least a few notches below him. But if you’re Nick Kyrgios – you’re rubbish with a racket, you don’t have the physique for the role, and on top of that you’ve got a big mouth that never gets it right – the very least that can happen to you when you take a nasty tumble is that tennis fans will find it all too easy to say: ‘Serves you right.’

Nick Kyrgios, the Australian tennis player better known for his sharp tongue than his skills on the court, has tested positive for cocaine in a doping test. During the Mallorca tournament last June, a sample he provided to a laboratory run by WADA, the World Anti-Doping Agency, contained traces of benzoylecgonine, a metabolite of cocaine. He has been provisionally suspended.

If he were just any old sportsman, or even a cheeky bloke who’d had a go at it, we wouldn’t be sitting here talking about it. We actually rather like these rascals, even the ones with a Lavitolian attitude. In this world of thieves, in this world of heroes. Kyrgios, now in his thirties, had already racked up quite a record of disqualifications during his career: once for telling an opponent, ‘Anyway, I’m sorry to tell you that someone’s slept with your girlfriend’; once for ‘lack of effort’ during a match; and another for ‘indecent behaviour’. The sort of thing one might well be happy to give a pass to, especially now that even the resurgent Ocasio-Cortez no longer fancies that utterly phoney ‘woke’ etiquette. But the self-righteous moralists are another matter entirely; they’re right up our street, and they deserve every bit of it and more. The player, currently ranked in the 900s, is known for having made particularly hateful, Travaglia-esque, “racket-wielding thug” remarks against our unbeatable champion, Jannik Sinner, during the Clostebol fiasco. He accused him: “Ridiculous, whether accidental or planned. You’ve tested positive twice for a banned substance (a steroid) and should be banned for two years. Your performances have improved. Massage cream… Yeah, right. Fantastic.” He also said, “Clostebol is used to cover up a doping cycle.” Or, when asked if he’d play a doubles match with Sinner: “I only play with clean athletes.” These self-righteous moralisers are a sight to behold; they’re worth a Wimbledon final. So now he’s written on social media: “I’ve made a huge mistake and I take full responsibility for it. I apologise to my fans, my family, my sponsors and everyone close to me. Above all, I apologise to the young people who look up to me. I know what kind of example this sets and I’m deeply disappointed in myself. I won’t look for excuses, but I want to provide some context for what I’ve been through. The last two years, marked by injuries, have taken a huge toll on me, both physically and mentally. My body hasn’t been able to do what my mind expects of it, and coming to terms with the fact that I’m now nearing the end of my career has been harder than I ever imagined.”

Let’s hope that at least the statement is true and written in his own hand. And that Lavitola didn’t write it for him, as some sort of love letter.