From Crosetto to Mancini, our problem is always the defence: Calafiori needs to learn how to shoot

According to the newspaper El Mundo, the Russian secret services are reportedly planning drone attacks against Italy, France and Spain – ‘where there’s food to be had’, as the saying goes. Why us three in particular? Because we have elections coming up – as if the candidates weren’t enough to destabilise us. Setting aside the irony, the report is unsettling: Italy already lacks an up-to-date military defence, whether at sea or on land (not that things were much different in the past: let’s not forget that we lost the last world war); let alone whether we have any anti-drone shields or systems. Moreover, the only individual in Italy known for skillful drone operation is Alberto Angela, renowned for his magnificent aerial shots of Pompeii or Versailles; however, the current issue concerns defense rather than cinematography – if anything, Angela could be entrusted with the video surveillance of our national borders, employing a very long tracking shot covering our entire airspace. In Italy, public debate on self-defence focuses on hypothetical home invasions; when it comes to a potential attack by a foreign army, the only strategy appears to be surrender—symbolised by the white flag, not unlike Giuseppe Conte’s pocket square. Should Russia indeed launch strikes, Italy’s vulnerability is such that some commentators are even suggesting that Kyiv might need to approve a military aid package for Rome. (One wonders, though, whether they too have a ‘Dzuseppe Konte’ who says, ‘No to arms for Italy and to warmongering; let the Italians negotiate with Putin and hand over Veneto and Lombardy to him. We’re for peace – in the sense that we want to be left in peace.’)

As Italians, we have learnt nothing of the Resistance except its songs, but one would have to be rather tone-deaf to repel the invader with those. Ours is a country notoriously ungovernable; could it also be indefensible? Whether on the military front or in football – whether it’s Crosetto or Mancini in charge – Italy’s problem is always defence. We’re told this by both Europe and the national team’s supporters, who booed our players last Friday after the defeat against Belgium; let’s teach Calafiori to shoot – perhaps he’ll prove a better defender against Russia. Yet, given the striking similarity, what does the national football team’s next match—our crushing 4–1 victory over Turkey—teach us? That when you have no defence, it is best to play on the attack.

After all, the best defence is a good offence, to stick with the sayings. So let us do as Mancini does: let us not wait for the opposition to enter our penalty area, not least because Donnarumma cannot save even Putin’s drones. Let us attack Russia ourselves! Look at Kayode: a defender on paper, but the other night he broke into the box and scored. “Good with his feet but also with his hands, capable of long throw-ins,” note the football commentators—and the ballistics experts too: when it comes to missiles, they are always long-range. We could draft Kayode and Pio Esposito, have them swap CONI for Leonardo, exchange their football boots for military boots, and deploy them to this ‘World Cup’—in the sense of a third world war. We will remain here, cheering them on and waving our flags—or, should things take a turn for the worse, Conte’s white pocket square.