How to trick Elly

The agenda is secret: how to get rid of Elly Schlein without looking like the sort of people who want to get rid of Elly Schlein. Conte has a folder. Renzi has a coffee. Bonelli opens a window; Fratoianni closes it to save energy. Calenda is on video: he isn’t part of the group and claims the group is a disaster. “Well then,” says Conte, “the solution is simple. Primaries. Immediately. Online. A single round.” “Are you sure?” asks Renzi. “I have a mobilised community; you have a party full of factions.” “It’s a shame,” says Bettini, “that when the factions see someone from outside coming in, they all become a single faction.” “Let’s only allow members of the parties calling for primaries to vote,” proposes Conte. “Yours,” says Magi. “It’s a question of participation.” “Yours.” Renzi raises a finger. “Let’s find a third name. Someone authoritative, reassuring, European.”

“Gentiloni,” suggests Bettini. “Too PD,” says Conte. “Ruffini.” “Too centrist,” protests Fratoianni. “Gualtieri.” “Too much of a mayor,” observes Bonelli. “Gori.” “Too late,” says Bettini. “The PD has just secured Schlein as its candidate.” “So we have to ask the PD to put forward a candidate to run against the PD?” “Exactly.” “And why should they?” Silence. “Let’s change our approach,” says Fratoianni. “First the manifesto, then the name. We have the right of veto over the manifesto.” “Perfect,” smiles Conte. “Let’s start with Ukraine.” “No,” reply Renzi and Magi in unison. “With industrial policy,” suggests Calenda from the screen. “No,” retorts Bonelli. “With nuclear power.” “No,” says Fratoianni. “With the alliance with Renzi.” “No,” says Conte. “With the alliance with Conte.” “At last we agree,” says Renzi. “And Schlein?” “Schlein,” sighs Bettini, “is keeping together those who don’t want to be together. That’s her worst flaw, as far as we’re concerned.” Bonelli has an idea. “Open primaries, but with a weighted vote: let’s give more weight to the smaller parties.” “So one person counts as one, but some count as four?”, asks Magi. “An arithmetic scam”, says Calenda. “Look who’s talking”, retorts Renzi. “I, for one, won’t be taking part.” “Then why are you on the line?” “To tell you that you’re getting it wrong.” “You tell us that even when you’re not on the line.”

Bettini draws a circle on his napkin. “We need someone to unite us.” “Who?”, everyone asks. “Someone who doesn’t lead any party. That way, nobody loses out.” “What about Schlein?”, asks Conte. “She’ll have to agree too.” “But we’re looking for a way to avoid having to ask her permission!” Bettini erases the circle. “A constituent congress,” ventures Fratoianni. “Let’s wipe the slate clean and start afresh from our values.” “Excellent,” says Renzi. “How many delegates does the PD have?” “More than the others,” admits Bettini. “And who leads them?” “Schlein.” “Let’s move on.” Conte opens his folder again. “Let’s challenge the electoral law. If the requirement to nominate a prime ministerial candidate is scrapped, the problem goes away.” “No,” says Bettini. “You said you’d stand as a candidate with or without primaries.” “Shall we postpone everything until the elections?” “You’ll remain secretary until the elections.” “And what if we ask you to step aside for the sake of unity?” “She replies that unity means moving forward with her.” “And what if we offer her the Quirinale?” “You don’t get elected to the Quirinale.” A phone rings. A message has arrived from Schlein: “When you decide how to run the primaries, let me know. I’m in.” “See?” says Renzi. “It’s her masterstroke. We’re looking for a rule to stop her from standing. She accepts all the rules because she knows that, in the end, it’s the votes that count.” “So the only way,” murmurs Conte, “is to convince the voters to vote for someone else.” Everyone looks at him in horror. “But Giuseppe,” says Bettini, “that would be playing politics.” The meeting is adjourned.