Attack Vannacci and challenge his slogans

Giorgia Meloni asked for mobile phones to be left outside the room. Matteo Salvini handed over two, Antonio Tajani one, whilst Maurizio Lupi asked whether the ban also applied to those who were not expecting calls. “It applies to everyone,” said Meloni.

On the table are four glasses, a jug and a piece of paper with ‘Vannacci’ written on it. Salvini turns it over.

“What are you doing?”, asks Meloni. “He’s looking at me.” “It’s a piece of paper, Matteo.” “That’s how it started last time too. A book, a piece of paper, a presentation. I’m taking it slowly with print media these days.”

Tajani adjusts his glasses. “Can we agree on the purpose of the meeting? Do we need to decide whether to keep him out or how to let him in?”

“We must keep him out,” replies Meloni.

Lupi picks up his pen. “Shall I write the conclusion?” “No, we’re just at the start.” “Ah. Then I’ll write the objective.” “Write the headline. We’ll get to the conclusions in due course.”

Salvini nods. “Finally, an open discussion.” “I’ve just said he must stay out of it.” “Yes, but you’ve left the conclusions open.”

Meloni picks up the paper and straightens it out. “This is our line: we’ll go after him. Hard. Politically, let’s give him a good thrashing. Let’s go all out. On everything we disagree with. And on the things we do agree on, let’s show that we don’t need him.”

“So we oppose him both when he says things that differ from ours and when he says the same as us,” summarises Lupi. “It’s a convergence in exclusion,” suggests Tajani.

In another room, which exists only in this play, Roberto Vannacci is wearing headphones connected to a matryoshka doll with an antenna. The packaging reads ‘Kremlin Junior: listen to the West, batteries not included’. The device picks up everything, except for nuances. When it hears the word ‘openness’, it lights up; when it hears ‘never’, it makes the sound of a submarine reversing. The general has a notepad beside him: ‘Non-negotiable conditions for entry’. For the moment, he has only written the title.

“In my view, we need to be clear,” Tajani continues. “There are differences regarding our position on the international stage, on Europe, and on how we understand a coalition. We cannot reduce everything to a matter of tone.”

“In fact,” says Salvini. “The problem isn’t the tone. It’s that when he uses it, they say he’s brave. When I use it, they say I’m picking on him.”

“And don’t chase after him,” says Meloni. “I’m staying ahead of him.” “Matteo, if staying ahead of him means you have to constantly keep an eye on where he’s going, then we’re talking about the same thing.”

Lupi leafs through his notebook. “I’ve realised that we need to keep two messages in mind. Firstly: we’re not like Vannacci. Secondly: we’re enough on our own to do the things Vannacci is asking for.”

“Exactly”.

“And if they ask us how we’re different, do we reply with the first message or the second?”

“Let’s start with the words,” says Meloni. “There’s the line that says ‘Vannacci is a fascist’. And there’s the line that says ‘let’s not give him the issues’. I want to understand how we can keep them both in check without spending the whole day correcting ourselves.”

Tajani raises a finger. “’Fascist’ cannot be a temporary adjective. It has a historical and political meaning; it is not the opposite of ‘ally’. Either we discuss specific ideas and behaviours, or tomorrow someone will ask us whether we have changed our opinion simply because a percentage figure has changed.”

“We could say that the situation has changed,” suggests Lupi. “Maurizio”. “It was a technical proposal”.

“I’d be wary of that fascist,” Salvini interjects.

“For historical reasons?”, asks Meloni.

“Photographic”.

Meloni looks at him.

“There are lots of photos.” “Exactly.” “The photos show that I tried to engage in dialogue.” “And now?” “That dialogue doesn’t always come across well in photos.”

Lupi notes: “Challenge the positions. Avoid using ‘albums’.”

“We mustn’t let him have the role of the only one who speaks plainly,” insists Meloni.

“At last,” says Salvini. “I’ll be absolutely clear tomorrow.” “About what?” “About what he’s going to say tonight.” “But he’ll have said it already.” “I’ll get there before he repeats it.”

Tajani closes his eyes for a second. “Can we at least stop the programme from being updated with notifications?”

Meloni picks up another copy of the paper. “Let’s do a practical exercise. He suggests something. What do we do?”

“Something stronger,” replies Salvini. “Something right,” corrects Tajani. “Something we all agree on,” adds Lupi.

“Tre risposte diverse”.

“But compatible,” says Lupi. “Something that’s right, widely supported and stronger.”

“Stronger than what?”, asks Meloni.

“Her own”.

“And we’re back with him.”

Salvini leans forward. “The point is simple. We cannot let him have a monopoly on banging his fist on the table.”

“It’s not the punch that’s the problem,” says Tajani. “It’s what you say afterwards.” “Afterwards there’s applause.” “In the Council of Ministers?” “It depends on how the video turns out.”

Meloni interjects: “We must show that we are not like him. Matteo, come up with something he would have said.” She pauses. “But something we can then explain.”

“So the same concept, with the technical report”.

“Una risposta nostra”.

“In response to your question”.

“A una domanda del paese”.

“Which, as it happens, he did first.”

Meloni stands up and walks over to the door. She checks it. Vannacci stops writing. ‘Kremlin Junior’ does not show any footage, but when someone touches a door handle, a bell rings. It is a feature designed specifically for coalitions.

“I want one thing to be clear,” says the Prime Minister as she returns to the table. “It’s not enough to say that we’re different. We have to be.”

“Benissimo,” says Tajani.

“And we mustn’t give him any leeway.”

“Benissimo,” says Salvini.

“Sorry,” says Lupi. “If we take up all the space he’s in, where do we fit in to be different?”

“Maurizio, can you stop asking questions that are difficult to answer?”

“This is the moderates’ contribution. Let’s take it slowly.”

Tajani tries to steer the discussion back to practical matters. “A coalition must have shared commitments. On Europe. On NATO. On Ukraine. These are not details to be relegated to the footnotes of an agreement.”

“And who said we should leave them at the bottom?”, retorts Salvini. “Let’s put them at the top.” “And then we’ll respect them.” “Of course.” “All of them.” “Antonio, that way you’ll end up with an endless list.” “There are three things.” “Yes, but you added ‘all’.”

Meloni interrupts. “We are not drawing up an agreement with Vannacci.”

Lupi covers a page with his hand.

“What are you writing?”

“Nothing”.

“Maurizio”.

“Any conditions”.

“I’ve just said that we’re not drawing up an agreement.”

“Exactly. I wrote ‘eventual’. It’s a word that keeps the paper out of the room.”

In the general’s imaginary room, the light on the matryoshka turns green again. “Possible”. Vannacci emphasises the term twice. He then looks in the manual to see if there is a function to remove the words “not” and “never” from the recordings. It exists, but it is called the “optimistic version” and requires an update.

“Lads, let’s focus,” says Meloni. “First, we must contest every argument, every interview, every opportunity they have to present themselves as the only alternative to us on that side. We won’t give them a platform. We’ll oppose them.”

“At last,” says Salvini.

“Senza inseguirlo”.

“Era finalmente con riserva”.

“We challenge it where we disagree. Where there is a genuine problem, we respond ourselves. We don’t announce today that we’ll sort it out tomorrow.”

“So the door is closed,” says Tajani.

“Closed”.

“I’m signing off,” says Lupi.

“Write ‘closed’.”

“Locked?”.

Meloni looks at him.

“I’m enquiring about the press release”.

“We’re not including the hardware in the press release.”

“What if it rings?” asks Salvini.

“You’re not replying.”

“What if it’s the polls?”.

“They’re coming through on the phone. What made you leave us out?”

Lupi speaks in the tone of someone trying to salvage a dinner after someone has brought up the subject of inheritance. “I believe Matteo wants to raise a question of method. Today we are making a political choice. Before the elections, we will assess the situation.”

“Translation,” asks Meloni.

“First, let’s try to play it down. Then, if it remains a force to be reckoned with, we’ll discuss what to do.”

“This isn’t going in the press release. And that doesn’t mean we’re going to include it.”

“Of course”.

Salvini smiles. “But that means that before we rule him out for good, we need to see just how definitively he’s been ruled out.”

“It means,” says Meloni, “that I won’t make any commitments to someone I now want to oppose.”

Vannacci pours some water. The glass clinks against the jug. He had not liked the tone of that “chiusa”. The subsequent clarifications, however, appear to him to be full of possibilities. He moves the sheet listing the non-negotiable conditions below the one listing the contingent conditions. Then, cautiously, he tears out the word “irrinunciabili”.

“Let’s hold a press conference,” suggests Meloni. “I’ll play the journalist. Matteo, why are you attacking Vannacci and then using his arguments?”

“We don’t use his arguments. They’ve always been ours.”

“So why are you attacking him?”

“Why does it use our topics?”

“But you’ve just said they aren’t his.”

“Exactly. It’s extremely serious.”

Meloni moves on to the next interviewee. “Maurizio, is the door closed?”

“Our project is open to anyone who shares our values.”

“Ma è chiusa?”

“There are no automatic processes.”

“Maurizio”.

“There aren’t even any preliminary rulings on automatic processes that don’t exist.”

Salvini claps his hands. “I want this one.”

Meloni gathers the sheets, lines them up and puts them back on the table. “I don’t want to spend months explaining that we’re not Vannacci, only to end up in the photo all together.”

“We can do without the photo,” suggests Salvini.

“The photo isn’t the problem.”

“It seemed that way at first. Anyway: first we’ll tackle it. Then, if the issue remains, we’ll discuss it. Provided we don’t say today that we’ll discuss it later.”

“This is your summary”.

“Can you correct this for me?”

Meloni does not reply straight away. Lupi starts to write, then realises that this was precisely the part he was not supposed to write.

“Voters aren’t parcels to be moved around,” says Tajani. “And an agreement changes the programme too, not just the number of seats.”

“I’m not adding anything up,” replies Salvini. “I’m avoiding subtracting anything in advance.”

“And I’m signing up in advance,” says Meloni.

“Perfect,” concludes Lupi. “We’re all against advance payments.”

Meloni then adds: “But let me be clear: I may well decide that the door remains closed. Whatever the situation may be.”

The general’s headphones slip down. Vannacci puts them back in place with both hands. The ‘Junior Kremlin’ has stopped flashing and displays a dreadful message: ‘Stable connection’. It’s not a glitch. He heard correctly.

A draft appears on his screen: “Dear Giorgia, notwithstanding all our differences...”. He pauses. He deletes “all”. Then he deletes “notwithstanding”. The Matryoshka whirs. It’s just the battery, but he checks the connection again.

Lupi is looking for a concluding statement. “Proposal: no concessions, no backing down, maximum political opposition”.

“Good,” says Tajani.

“E sui temi?”, chiede Salvini.

“Our responses,” says Meloni.

“What if he says we’re copying him?”

“We’ll tell him they’ve always been ours.”

“What if he asks us to do them together?”

Meloni shows her the door. “Out.”

Lupi glances at his watch. “Is this for the press release or for the end of the meeting?”

“For both of them”.

The three of them stand up. Tajani folds up the papers. Salvini picks up his own, casting one last glance at Vannacci’s name. Lupi remains by the door handle.

“Giorgia, a practical matter”.

“Ancora?”

“La chiave dove la lascio?”.

Meloni extends a hand. “To me”.

On the other side of the comedy, the general switches off the radio and picks up the phone. The draft has become very brief: ‘Dear Giorgia, let’s talk about it whenever you like.’ He doesn’t send it. He looks for another number. The matryoshka has opened a window onto the West for him, but he suspects that, to have that door opened, he needs Lupi.

On the table there are four glasses, a carafe and a sheet of paper with ‘Vannacci’ written on it

“I don’t want to spend months explaining that we’re not Vannacci, only for us all to end up in the photo together,” says Meloni

In another room, Vannacci is wearing headphones connected to a matryoshka doll with an antenna

The general switches off the radio and picks up the phone. In the draft, he writes: “Dear Giorgia, let’s talk about it whenever you like.”