6 luglio 2010 - ore 13:41

Commoventi consigli a papà Ronaldo

Oggi sul Times c'è un pezzo lucido, commovente, di consigli a papà Ronaldo. La cosa commovente è che glieli scrive un papà single di 49 anni, con due ragazzi di 17 e 16 anni. La mamma li ha lasciati piccoli col loro papà e si è trasferita in Spagna. Lui, che li ha cresciuti da solo, avvisa papà Ronaldo che non è semplice, che una mamma intuisce quello che un papà deve imparare a sapere, che un figlio ha bisogno di una presenza genitoriale costante, che un figlio di papà single mal sopporta che il papà single cambi donna di continuo, perché questo lo imbarazza, che serve una tata, magari, o comunque una figura femminile vicina e possibilimente che non cambi una volta l'anno, anche se l'amore per tuo figlio non lo puoi comprare.

Il pezzo è scritto con una lucidità femminile, assolutamente da leggere. Anche al contrario, e cioè anche da quelle mamme convinte che potranno fare le mamme single.

(Siccome il sito del Times è a pagamento ne ho copiato il testo, spero di non finire in prigione per questo).

TItolo: Il nuovo goal di papà Ronaldo (dal sito del Times).

"Cards on the table, Cristiano: I’m 49 years old, bald, broke and single, and I stopped playing football at 11. So who would think that we suddenly have something huge in common? I certainly never expected to be in a position to give a playboy superstar like you some advice.
First of all, let me say how much I admire your decision to bring up your son alone. I’ve raised two boys on my own for a decade and it has been a monumental task. No one prepared me for the sheer joy of seeing my child ride a two-wheeled bike for the first time or the panic and pain of having a sick child at midnight.
No matter how much money you’ve got, these are things that — like me — you are going to have to experience alone. You will not be able to share the emotional intensity, both positive and negative, with your mother, your sister, your friends, as they will never have the same appreciation of that moment as the other parent would.
We know little about your son’s mother but I met my children’s mum in Russia. Years ago I was a TV presenter on a BBC programme called The Travel Show. Every week I was given a “travel challenge” and in 1991 I was sent to Moscow “to meet the Russians”. I met a beautiful, Spanish-speaking Muscovite. She came to Britain and we had two sons. Unfortunately the relationship didn’t work out and she moved to Spain, leaving me alone with the boys.
The questions I have constantly been asked since then are: “Where is your boys’ mother?” and “How could she abandon her children?” It’s true that she’s not involved in their everyday life, but she hasn’t abandoned them because, with e-mails and phone calls, she maintains regular contact. They also visit her in Spain and this is really important to them. So, when you write on Facebook that your son will be under your “exclusive guardianship”, I hope that doesn’t mean he will lose all contact with his mother.
I know your mother and sisters are going to be involved and you’re very lucky to have those women. You will need them. Call me old-fashioned but there are still huge differences between men and women when it comes to parenting. Men still lack softness when it comes to nurturing. Last month my 17-year-old found some home video of himself alone with me when he was six weeks old. He was in a rocking chair bawling his eyes out, while I simply told him to cheer up. “Don’t tell him to cheer up — pick him up!” said a female friend in frustration as she watched the tape with us.
Since they were small, my boys have made their own beds (badly — and sometimes without duvet covers), made their own packed lunches, and packed their own suitcases for holidays. When they were 8 and 9 we went to Cornwall — it rained and, to a friend’s bemusement, I ticked them off for not packing anoraks. Most mums know instinctively what the child they carried, and gave birth to, needs — when to soothe him, when to pick him up. That comes harder to most men, especially in the taxing early years.
So, I am really glad that your mum and sisters will be supporting you. But I have to ask: since you play for Real Madrid, will they be moving there too? I know you come from Madeira but that’s a long way from Madrid and commuting by plane will be no fun for your mum, and even less fun for your son. My kids loathe flying to Spain and they only go twice a year.
Harsh as it sounds, though, there is some advantage in a clean break from their mother. My boys have always said that they’re pleased to have just one house. They’ve got friends who live half their lives with their mother and half their life with their father. That means that they have two homes and two bedrooms — quite apart from the schizophrenic lifestyle that creates, homework always gets left in in the wrong house (and teachers aren’t always sympathetic).
As a multi-milionaire, you will be spoilt for choice when it comes to childcare. But make sure that you find someone good to help you out. And stick with her. I assume it will be a her — an au pair boy or a “mannie” might not soften that male dynamic. Kids need stability and childcare changes confuse them (I found the short-term nature of au pairs unhelpful and stopped hiring when my kids were young). But bear in mind that, obvious as this sounds, you cannot buy love for your child. Yes, your mother and sisters will be a great help but kids need constant parental attention, particularly in those early years.


And that brings me on to another thing — something a bit delicate. I know that I’m not a multi-millionaire playboy- footballer (and I’m old enough to be your dad) but I do have a little bit of experience in this field. I’m talking women, Cristiano ... Children find dads’ girlfriends a bore.
“He’ll have to learn to be less of a ladies’ man if he doesn’t want to embarrass his son.” That was my 17-year-old’s response when I asked him if he had any advice.
“Tell him to find a nice woman his son likes and to just stick with her.” That was my 16-year-old.
The truth is that you’ve had great fun as a young man. I know — I’ve seen the press. But as your boy gets older, he won’t want to see his dad in the paper for scoring non-football goals. And you’re going to have to start thinking a little less about yourself. Although I was no Galácticos footballer, my humble Travel Show appearances gave me a tiny bit of celebrity status (more Vauxhall Conference League than Premier League stuff) but even that was enough to make me egocentric occasionally.
I can’t imagine what superstar status is like, but you can’t put yourself first once you have a baby. You are going to have to be just a humble dad at home. And just because you’re Ronaldo the footballer doesn’t mean your son will automatically respect you. “He’ll have to lead by example,” said my 16-year-old. “His boy won’t believe what his fans say about him; he’ll only believe what he sees at home.”
I’m sure you and your boy will have far fewer practical problems than we Collins boys have had. You won’t be filling the fridge with food your son hates because it lasts longer that way (growing boys have a habit of eating non-stop and it can be very expensive). I doubt you’ll be going to the supermarket just before it closes, seeking out last-minute price-reductions.
But as my 16-year-old so wisely tells me, “Just because Ronaldo has money doesn’t mean that he should buy whatever his kid wants. He shouldn’t overload him with computers and games consoles and he certainly shouldn’t let him eat whatever he wants. I mean — wouldn’t it be ironic if the world’s best footballer produced a couch potato?”
We’re all rooting for you in our house, Cristiano. Take it from us: the game of your life has just kicked off".
 

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di Diana Zuncheddu